Jealousy //

The yard right after the snow melted last winter.

The yard right after the snow melted last winter.

It is 6:39 am on Sunday morning. I’ve only been up for about 20 minutes and I’ve already been consumed by jealousy…

Once my coffee was ready I decided to relax while browsing the previous nights events on Facebook. I saw a picture of a blast from the past friend and immediately thought she was in early stages of pregnancy. 1. I am completely aware of the ass hole I making myself look like for assuming that. 2. Why was my first reaction jealousy?

This now brings me to shopping yesterday. I felt jealous watching people purchase the $700 bed L and I want someday. And when I saw another gal walk around in the Tory Burch flats I don’t have and then thinking gosh the ones I do have aren’t that nice anymore. What is it that immediately brings this jealousy feeling?

During the holiday’s I know our consumerism is at an all time high, but I’m not judging. I love to shop for L (and myself, duh). He never buys anything for himself so why not spoil the guy. I will probably buy him three more gifts before Christmas Eve… During this loving to give time my jealousy surges.

I’m addicted to Anthropologie and J. Crew. I cannot always afford the the items I want, and I’ve learned to except to wait for sales. But that moment I see someone wearing the one item I’m watching everyday until the price drops is ridiculous. I need to learn to be happy for others. Great you can afford that fabulous dress. I have great pieces too and a great home.

At dinner last night I was chatting with L about my lovely addiction and he brought up a great point. We are trained to want to keep up with the Jones. Even within our circle of friends we want to keep the playing field even so to speak. Not always wanting to do it better or bigger but show that we can to.

Watching the Instagram activity has even made me jealous. Seeing people post early presents, whether it be to themselves or from others, I think how I need an early present.

I just need to slow myself down, take a deep breath, and stop. We will welcome a child into our home someday. I may own fancy ballet flats but teach myself I do not need them. We will but our dream bed once our house is built.

I need to remind myself all good things come in time and not all at once. What’s the point of buying our brand new bed if it has to go straight into storage any ways….

P.S. I know I sound ridiculous but this is my space and write whatever I want about myself. At least I’m being honest.

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Learning to keep my mouth shut //

The year L and I ran Shamrock run. Our first race together.

The year L and I ran Shamrock run. Our first race together.

Well I did it again. I’m not entirely sure this one is all my fault though. This morning I decided to suck it up and go to a Saturday class at the gym. Showing up to the 8 am class on a Saturday felt like a huge accomplishment and I was energized as soon as I pulled up.

My usual trainer was running this class. I was really feeling exciting for this day. L wasn’t able to join me because he is in busy season so that means working 7 days a week. Before class was starting I sent L a text explaining the workout. We’re both extremely sarcastic and I was expecting a smart ass remark back. As the trainer was getting was ready for warm up I told him about the text and how L would most likely respond. My trainer laughed and decided to tell the owner, because it was FUNNY.

This is when I wanted to walk out and started wishing I had just kept to myself. The owner of our gym came out and decided to go on a “lovely” 5 minute rant on how the gym’s workouts our decided on. IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Also going on about no day is harder than another and I should go home to explain this to L. Instant defense mode kicked into high gear as I’m sure it would for anyone hearing their partner being thrown under the bus.

As the work out got started, I just did what I had to do. Kept telling myself to push through. Just push through. A moment did arise where I was able to explain to our trainer how inappropriate that rant was and he should have addressed me personally so I could explain the joke. I’m happy I have a close relationship with this particular trainer because he did help me feel better and did say he thought the owner would think its funny as well.

I felt so belittled by the owner this morning. L has been a member of this gym for over 3 years. He was one of the first handful of members. If L really thought some days were harder than others why would he up his membership to 4 days a week? Why are we spending almost $300 a month just for us to use your facility?

Moral of the story for me, keep my mouth shut. I don’t feel like I did anything to deserve the treatment this morning, but if that is the response I’m going to get, I’ll just keep to myself . The owner hardly knows L or myself. He doesn’t know how sarcastic we can be. Yes he wanted to defend the business he is growing but it shouldn’t be done at the expense of your members. And yes I’m highly considering discontinuing my membership.

I am hopeful though that this morning was just one of those days for him. I also feel this shows how disconnected he has become from the people who make his dream a reality, the members.

Cheers to a better Saturday!

Lack-speration.

Lately I’ve been lacking in the inspiration department. Yes we’ve been busy living and I’ve chosen to focus on the now instead of epic pictures to post.

While living this said life ((come fall we’ll be back to normal)) I’ve realized of few things.

1. I’m a complete scatter brain. I’ve always been the typical blonde straight out of a blonde joke. But lately I’ve felt even more scattered brained. Sorry husband.

2. I love my fur babies but real baby might be cool…. Am I the only one who instantly got baby brain as soon as the marriage licensed was signed?

3. I don’t feel like an adult. Not at all.

4. Do we buy the new car or keep waiting…? ((I’ve never had a car payment before))

Well a few are questions but these are the top 4 items as of late.

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