Dear Mom.

Me and my mom on my wedding day.

Me and my mom on my wedding day.

Dear Mom,

I’m not 100% sure where to start. I’m about to write down how much you mean to me. It’s funny because I should be able to say all of this directly to you, but thats the funny thing with emotions. I don’t know if I would ever be brave enough. You are the strongest person I know. You were the rock for sissie and I our whole lives. Without you I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

Growing up I never knew of the hard times. I’m sure there were many as a single mom, but you always seemed to have it together. Whatever I wanted, you gave me. Whatever I needed, you gave me. Even today, we were suppose to be out celebrating you and you still paid.

I know when I was younger (always late for curfew) I didn’t appreciate it. You always waited up. I’m sorry for getting annoyed with you about that… Yes you were upset with me but it always came from a place of love.

Today while we were talking about me becoming a mom one day I kept thinking I hope I’ll be at least half the mom you are. Sorry about the comment babies shouldn’t have babies… Yes I am 28 but still have some growing up to do. I know though when that time comes you will be right there teaching me.

Happy Mother’s Day to the greatest Mom I could have ever asked for.

P.S. Sorry about all the drunk dials during my college days…. I now know 6am New York time is not an acceptable hour to call and tell you all about my night on top of the Empire State Building.

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Weathering the storm… Stress.

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Lately things have been stressful. The cause, money. Nothing serious but there always seems to be something that comes up that needs money.

Recently it’s been my car. First it needed a new transmission ($5000) and now some more maintenance ($2000). When it comes down to it, not that big of a deal but I stress easily.

I’m not a very good saver. Saving money is an accomplishment. Having these things pop up is a huge reminder I need to control my spending and save more.

I know this is just a little storm that will pass. I will build the savings up again. We’re not suffering because of these things but it doesn’t make it “hurt” less.

I’m finding these little things popping up is bringing up my dislike for things I can’t control. If I truly feel like things are out of control (even if they’re small) I go to the one thing I can control, what I eat. It’s just a demon I’ve learned to control but I have moments where she likes to make her return.

I’m trying to remember the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff”. When I was younger I was afraid to openly talk about my demon. I would stress and quit eating. I replaced meals with a quick coffee or a small salad. I’m refusing to let myself return to that place just because we’ve had some unexpected bills pop up.

I guess I need to remember the other saying “this too shall pass”…