Loving me.

I’m not 100% positive how it happened, but I have joined a team for Hood to Coast. I guess it just came up in casual conversation at work, a co-worker happened to have a spot open on his team and bang I agreed. H2C is something I’ve grown up hearing about and watching. Getting on a team is tough, and even though I enjoy running I never actually thought I would one day be able to participate.

After finishing the Shamrock 5K last month.

After finishing the Shamrock 5K last month.

Once I finished the Shamrock run it really hit me I need to start training. Well mainly because later that day pictured above my uncle and I agreed to participate in the Rock n Roll Half on May 18th. Now get me wrong, I’m very excited for this year and the goals I’ve set for myself. But something in me, that I like to hide deep down inside, is starting to resurface.

I’ve starting conditioning three days a week and running with my H2C team once a week. Four days a week of pretty intense toning/cardio. I’m seeing my body change and develop to be an amazing machine. But the other day while getting ready I started picking out every flaw. I’ve even noticed my eating habits have changed. This inner demon comes out without me even realizing it. This demon is frustrated when I see other women running and I’m not where they are athletically (even weight wise). The me writing this is happy with the person I am physically, but that demon is telling me I’m not good enough.

I don’t want to be the girl counting calories or the girl that looks too thin. I want to see the strength I’ve been building, and the amazing machine I’m building. I know its not me when I look at myself in the mirror or even a picture and all I see is love handles or double chins.

I believe everyone has an inner demon. I also feel we need to let everyone talk about that inner demon. I’ve tried to talk to a few friends regarding mine and its frustrating when they basically tell me I don’t have any reason to have weight issues. My demon isn’t a weight issue, she’s an appearance issue. She tells me I’m not good enough no matter how hard I try.

So I’m making the choice through all this training to lose that demon. Kicking her to the curb. I work hard, and should be able to enjoy my successes. I’m not perfect and don’t want to be perfect. I just want to enjoy me, myself, and I without that demon comparing me to the other gal in the room.

 

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