Jealousy //

The yard right after the snow melted last winter.

The yard right after the snow melted last winter.

It is 6:39 am on Sunday morning. I’ve only been up for about 20 minutes and I’ve already been consumed by jealousy…

Once my coffee was ready I decided to relax while browsing the previous nights events on Facebook. I saw a picture of a blast from the past friend and immediately thought she was in early stages of pregnancy. 1. I am completely aware of the ass hole I making myself look like for assuming that. 2. Why was my first reaction jealousy?

This now brings me to shopping yesterday. I felt jealous watching people purchase the $700 bed L and I want someday. And when I saw another gal walk around in the Tory Burch flats I don’t have and then thinking gosh the ones I do have aren’t that nice anymore. What is it that immediately brings this jealousy feeling?

During the holiday’s I know our consumerism is at an all time high, but I’m not judging. I love to shop for L (and myself, duh). He never buys anything for himself so why not spoil the guy. I will probably buy him three more gifts before Christmas Eve… During this loving to give time my jealousy surges.

I’m addicted to Anthropologie and J. Crew. I cannot always afford the the items I want, and I’ve learned to except to wait for sales. But that moment I see someone wearing the one item I’m watching everyday until the price drops is ridiculous. I need to learn to be happy for others. Great you can afford that fabulous dress. I have great pieces too and a great home.

At dinner last night I was chatting with L about my lovely addiction and he brought up a great point. We are trained to want to keep up with the Jones. Even within our circle of friends we want to keep the playing field even so to speak. Not always wanting to do it better or bigger but show that we can to.

Watching the Instagram activity has even made me jealous. Seeing people post early presents, whether it be to themselves or from others, I think how I need an early present.

I just need to slow myself down, take a deep breath, and stop. We will welcome a child into our home someday. I may own fancy ballet flats but teach myself I do not need them. We will but our dream bed once our house is built.

I need to remind myself all good things come in time and not all at once. What’s the point of buying our brand new bed if it has to go straight into storage any ways….

P.S. I know I sound ridiculous but this is my space and write whatever I want about myself. At least I’m being honest.


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